@Yeezeus' timeline on Twitter .. 2 of 2
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I can't be the only one who says "your hair is everywhere" and follows with "screaming infidelities and taking its wear" every single time
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..wouldn't you know it, all but one of my tweets this morning were in Ninja mode. I'll try to retweet later..
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I'm gonna go to twitter. It will make me feel better.
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What's simultaneously so inexpressibly sad and yet also so wonderful is this: life goes on.
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You're all silly. And I like it. And love most of you. So shut it poopy head Xxx
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Which one of you eggs is my employer?
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If I ever become disgruntled with my current employer,I'm entitled to 6 servers, 8 routers, all of the copper, & the bipolar admin assistant
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Just saw Zooey Deschanel's forehead without bangs in a hair commercial and now I don't know what's real anymore.
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somethin in the air a nefarious crumpled box appears says "open when ready" fidgety & twitchy at 1st she knew to open it she had to not care
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There are those who mock your stupidity, and those who gladly help you learn. Hats off to the kind ones!
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Another day at the game with those who don't play fair. Another point to prove with those at the top who are ungrateful.But we laugh thru it
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Okay, pms is getting to me. Crying because people are nice to me on twitter.
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Try 2 explain Twitter 2 friend. Fact I am followed by horse, 3 dogs, cat, brown paper bag and a vegetable I don't recognise, doesn't help.
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I retweet a lot because it keeps me from hooking.
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Some people draw strength from sacred places residing deep within each one of you. Keep your light shining to guide them home.
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If you can't think of anything to tweet, retweet.
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Do anything for love? I’d do anything for a life size snow man made of mashed potatoes that ejaculates gravy.
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not even noon and i've pissed off another family member. they're dropping like freakin flies.
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All begins in chaos until that one random action creates order, petals crowd together and suddenly, a rose.
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If a zombie ate my brains, it would starve to death! Haha see I'm implying I have no brains but zombies can't die see how dumb I am? lol omg
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Like tweet. Explore TL. I'm sorry this is disturbing even for Twitter. Slowly and carefully back out of TL. Start breathing again.
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If I could change one thing about the world it would be this lady's haircut.
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Made 716 lists to categorize peeps I follow. If you subscribe to one, make sure its yours. Keeping you guys apart. Always talking shit.
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Men, take note, if you're handsome you're "flirting with her", if you're not, you're "being a creep".
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A mediocre joke. Ruined. HIM: It's always 5 with this clock. ME: It's always 5 somewhere. HIM: It's always 5:30 somewhere, too. ME: ...
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Don't judge me because I only have 264 followers. You know, it took the Beatles a while to be discovered, too.
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Twitter's seven years old today? Multiply by 200 million active users, factor in twitter time vs real time, that's 50 trillion wasted years.
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Sometimes sarcasm is scarey and hard to grasp...*pats your head softly*
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oh look there is swiss chard growing in my garden bucket and i will pick it and put it in my quesadilla and i am a glorious cavewoman
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Your tweets are as good as the reciprocity you're owed.
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"I have always depended on the kindness of strangers." -- Debbie Does Dallas
#RightQuoteWroteMovie -
If you stumble.. make it part of your dance ~Unknown
#LoveScopes ♥ -
If I were a turtle where would I be....
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'I don't think there's a place where people understand loneliness more than here.'
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Social convention can suck it, yo.
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Twitter injury.
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If you wanna change the world you better bring enough wipes. That shit is caked on mighty thick.
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Don't give them the power to waste your energy.
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You guys know that we live with these boobs and asses, right? *tease tweet*
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I used to be sane but then I took an arrow to the knee
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I'm single because monogamy. It's not my thing.Nobody's asked to be monogamous with me but whatever.
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Was texting as a cop went by. Pretended to be focused on driving with hands on the wheel. Then I stood up & mimed driving out of the cafe.
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Wore shorts for the first time this season. My legs are so white they discussed Downton Abbey today.
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A waffle breakfast & a little understanding in 1978 would've prevented most of these tweets.
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Whenever I think I might be smother'n him, I just hafta remember that somebody's gotta bury tha hawg or there ain't gonna be no luau.
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This one time I tweeted about shit and didn't give a fuck about stars.
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"The world stands aside to let anyone pass who knows where he is going." – David Starr Jordan ♥
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You are absolutely fine. There's nothing wrong with you. They just don't know what they're talking about.
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Something has to be done! Something must be done! But oh, not that. Something else, but something has to be done.
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I don't remember why but I'm not wearing any pants right now.
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Yeah well my thumbs say I CAN win this war!! ...Me to tape, saran wrap, anything involving a curling iron and evolution
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We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow ♥
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"Hey kids, don't pop pills, Pop Tarts! Wocka Wocka Wocka!"...What a Fozzie Bear anti-prescription abuse message would sound like on TV today -
What do I want? Let's see. A man, with common sense. What? Oh. Well. Okay. Scratch that. I give up. No! NO,no. I'll just be happy instead.
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You know that shit you heard that can ruin your whole day? Fuck that shit :)
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Anarchy is the least radical. Schedule your own life. Pick your own tribe. Grow your own food. Make your own matter. Love everyone you want.
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"be kind to those you love, be kind to those you don't... but for gods sake you've got to be kind"...
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“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ― Stephen Chbosky ♥
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not pretty enough is all the world had ever said yet they wondered her sadness
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The cat walked over the candle, now my kitchen smells like burnt cat ass
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And in other news, warm fuzzy feelings are talking about condoms and hot dogs, I have no idea.
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The highest form of control is knowing when to let go. ~Unknown
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I feel sorry for the coins in the fountain that don't make it into the cool coin club...think I'll go & save them & possibly buy some pizza
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No, not the Iron Man costume! You're Captain America tonight. Now...put on the mask and do me.
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I’m so sorry, I’m all fresh out of your mom. :/
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Somewhere buried in the Mayan jungle is a printer with the error message LOAD PAPER TRAY that has been flashing for centuries.
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There are two types of people here; those that respect you, and those that don't matter. -
Having a profession is the world's oldest form of prostitution. -
Teach me, use me, claim me, study me, direct me, pose me, desire me, unwrap me, carry me, show me how to please. A lament of an unused muse. -
Everyday I like 2learn something. 2day I learn raspberries hav small pips which get stuck between teeth. Not big day in search 4 knowledge. -
Some of my best tweets are just farts in a hurricane. -
This whole twitter deal's jumped the shark.
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I wonder how many times Smurfette and Vanity Smurf hosted blukkake parties.
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Nah, I've never once paid enough attention to notice a sub tweet about me. I just throw the occasional fuck you out there just in case ..!..
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Your twitter crush squeals like a pig.
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Suddenly Leap Frog sound like potential for violation.
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If I "Pull myself up by my own boot-straps" aren't I actually bending over, pulling my self down&setting my self up4a leap-frog ambush?
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"Take it out on me, twist my nipples."
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There are many bad things happening. There are many good things happening...the tricky thing is enjoy and balance. To experience and let go.
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Ooooops RT'd a bad word.
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Being Kind > Being right
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twitter looks boring from the outside, but once you're inside, its like freaking Narnia!
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Here's a blast from the past: "Whether we are _____ or not depends on our _______; ______, for instance, leads to a _______. Dalai LaMadLibs
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So, Justin Bieber has a monkey now? I'm not worried, I can't think of any other pop stars whose odd behavior began by getting a pet monkey.
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What the world needs... is more ball gags, really big ball gags.
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When I have trouble seeing the good in people, it's time for an eye exam.
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Just tried to follow myself, by accident. Apparently I can't, because I have blocked myself. Can't say I blame myself. I love cheese.
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Nondescript threats are kinda my thing in the dining hall.
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Every intelligent person understands that there's something wrong with them. -
Nobody follows me closer than the people I've blocked.
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It's amazing how people can show their asses in 140 words.
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I don't care if ur famous or a shut-in. I don't care if ur rich or dirt poor. People are people. If ur interesting, I pay attn
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I think my 15 min. lecture on the economic basis for the Civil War deflected attention from me tearing up when Lincoln died. Oops - spoiler.
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I give people I know nick names .... Like 'squiggly face' nshit like that
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How many followers you have means nothing. Who is listening to you means everything.
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Reaching out for you, reaching out for me~ Swinging for fingertips that brush so tantalisingly~ Inwardly I shake~ Touch or not, I ache.
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I guess people who don't tweet all day long do stuff.
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And dub steps up to the plate... The pitch is wide...
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It's very disturbing that often, the folks you have the most conflict with are members of your own family. No wonder world peace is so hard.
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The thing with the people of twitter is -We're already broken, we're just using twitter as the glue.
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there comes a time in our lives when we must ask ourselves "guess what?" and we must answer with "chicken butt"
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There wouldn't be any animosity, betrayal, or negativity if work life was chips, football, & beer. I'm feeling an "Imagine" Beatles parody.
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That dog food commercial where the dog eats it, jumps over a bush and becomes a majestic wolf in mid flight doesn’t work for stupid poodles.
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When was my last meltdown, twitter?
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*throws down the gauntlet in front of the brontosaurus* *runs*
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*This is not a tweet* Just thought you could use some eye candy in your TL. Just paying it forward, people. -
i like to gallop around with a finger in my ass and holding my dick and pretend im on a stick horse
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Let me slip into something a little more comfortable. *falls asleep in a huge bowl of ramen*
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Ok guys, enough with the zero star tweets.
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I see I've still got my 5 star average *rolls eyes* ..!.. -
I'm drunk on three different wines. Consider this my mating call.
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Okay daytime Twitter. Let’s make butt hurt behind the Cracker Barrel dumpsters.
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a hallelujah always on the inside. for trees. for mud. for sky. for kids crossing the street. for the dude at 7/11. an always hallelujah -
I'm on Twotter&I interrupted myself on Twotter, when I saw a heartfelt Tweet, made me stop&think. Ye gods I don't think I have a RL left.
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I need to get waylaid.
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science is just noticing magic up really close
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i kissd a prince he became frog 'das waat im talkin bout' say i
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When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you. - Lao Tzu ♥
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How many Retweets does it take to ruin a time line? The answer is 0.
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I finally have more followers than I follow. This Elite shit is AWESOME! -
I don't have a Twitter crush. You know, 'cause I'm not insane.
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Whenever I get sad from losing followers,I keep reminding myself that I used to have zero. And before that,I played hide & seek w squirrels.
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Looking back, I think it was my failure to get his Star Wars reference that put the final nail in that particular coffin. There is no try.
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You know that thing where you’re anxious and frustrated and people won’t stop trying to be helpful? That shit doesn’t help.
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You know that whiny version of me? Yeah, I fucked her.
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Someone needs to tell Twitter philosophers that there is no deep end in this pool.
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A little concerned that my center of gravity is Edward James Olmos.
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I look good in awkward.
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The man on TV says he thinks Jonah's whale was a submarine built by a race of undersea dwelling extraterrestrials. Meesa don't likin' da.
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money is cool how you can just give somebody this dumb piece of paper and then they'll give you a can of beans -
It wasn't until he saw a boat full of animals that God realized some asshole left the water running.
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go bald or go home. wait, what?
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Monkey see Lindsay Lohan got arrested again. Monkey also see sky is blue. *eats banana* (8(/)
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"Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world." – Ralph Waldo Emerson ♥
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Some Tweeps get xcited bout cats Some ova d moon about dogs Some lassies wear flats Some high on clogs Worst part of pets Picking up logs
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..."And he faded away into the back alley of a city with a mangy dog & a broken tambourine where he lived happily ever after"...
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Gonna unbalance the washing machine, slap on my chaps, and see how long I can ride this sucker.
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If you are clear about who you are as a person, other people's behavior can not affect you.
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My mom just lifted my coat to check out my butt in front of a bunch of hot guys and how is your day going?
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Enough with the fucking creepy hobbit shit already.
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“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.” ― Groucho Marx
#LoveScopes ♥ -
I would probably have over 10,000 followers by now if it wasn't for the great unfollow of 2010.
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EYE DOCTOR: Ok. Read the bottom row of letters, Sarah. ME: Alright. G F Q 7... HIM: Seven's not a letter.
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I wish I could wash your mouth out with your soapbox.
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Everyone IS a star. Me, You, the entire world.... Talk about some extremely gifted fuckers...All of this talent is overwhelming.
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I just shut the lights off on people in a public bathroom.
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I employ a series of checks and balances before following. I check to see if you suck and I weigh your potential to annoy me.
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My favorite song is 'Why I'm Angry About Stuff' by Twitter.
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I had all my tax returns almost done today and Pac-man came out and ate it.
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Don't, I say again- don't tweet 99% bullshit and expect your one serious tweet, to be taken or even noticed to be serious.
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A koalacorn would be magical, all majestic eating eucalyptus and shit
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Remember, when dealing with people, there is only one currency that has the most value and that is loyalty.
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According to the crack on my phone screen I take losing to my tennis app a little too seriously.
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Sir, this is no ordinary phone. It's also a dormitory for my friends. Be gentle until my return.
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Zero star tweets for $500, Alex.
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I've emptied countless bottles, hoping to find the meaning of life at the bottom of one of them. No luck so far. But I'm no quitter.
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You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him ~Leo Aikman, ♌♥
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Lights lavender candle.. Sings to self.. (I will be the flame) blows candle out. Chokes on vapors. Well that was dumb.
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Every Saint has a past, and every Sinner has a future... Think on that :)
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Sic transit gloria - Latin for "Pull over - I think Gloria is gonna puke!"
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1988, Attention All Reptiles, auditions for The Ninja Mutants is in sound stage B. Tortoise: "what did he say sonny." Turtle: "SOUNDSTAGE A"
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If I'll get rid of my bad habits, I won't have any habits.
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I have 2 wireless routers and a satellite dish. Sometimes I pick up my neighbor's thoughts. He thinks about pizza a lot. -
I think today I'll be Honest Abe. Wanna play with my top hat?
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The message "99% download complete", cheers you up only for the first 2 hours.
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“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” ― Robert A. Heinlein ♥
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#np Too good to miss ==> Jed's A Millionaire - 'She Says' ~• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XWKfJWR0hA&feature=youtube_gdata_player … •~ -
We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. - Kurt Vonnegut -
After all those interviews on the red carpet,the dresses,the expressions,I suspect that to be a shrink in LA these days It’s a full time job
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Hey ladies, why not Instagram something useful, like pics of the stuff we're not suppose to put in the dryer.
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"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity." – Amelia Earhart ♥
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Thanks DAD but if I shit in one hand and wish in the other, I'm just gonna use up my one wish wishing I didn't just shit in my hand.
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Wife's friend: You're so lucky. Ed's so handy. Bob can't fix shit. Me: You're husbands a fucking doctor, hire someone. Hand me a wrench.
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If she can do a reverse cowgirl in a hammock... she's a keeper!
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Decent road head was just impossible in that stupid car. - the Pope
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No YOU just called the husbands cell phone to tell him he forgot his cell phone... And answered it when it rang :/
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The pastors wife just used the word taint in her sermon and I haven't heard a single word since :/
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Pretty stoked I've gotten this far without knowing how to do anything.
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I'd follow you but I'm very sure all your tweets are going to be like " open a book, close your legs" and shit. -
Was trying to figure out why I was so angry today, then remembered I heard Pink on the radio during my drive in
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there are few things in life that cannot be cured by application of a clue by four to the side of the head.
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I gave up religion for lent decades ago.
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24 hour convenience stores are a lot like vaginas. They're always open and there's always something you want in it.
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I look sexy in a straight jacket
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My laptop crashed together with my sextape in it. Now I don't know how to initiate a scandal once I get famous.
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Don't think of it as a gang of alcoholic bums, think of it as a very hip flask mob.
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Today an old guy called me a Yoyo and yelled at me to watch where I was going. By sheer coincidence, I happened to be walking the dog.
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Sorry. Just can't handle someone that continues to belittle the beliefs of some. Your 1000's of followers mean zero to me.
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So yeah, cigarettes alcohol sleep-deprivation and coffee don't cure colds AT ALL. You guys suck at health care.
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All human beings are also dream beings. Dreaming ties all mankind together. ~Jack Kerouac, ♓
#LoveScopes ♥
Muffy
JimBoy. St. Ratton
Gone
Willowbottom
Tink
Mark
Jesus Jaramillo
Madame LaCrooz
Anonymous Vagabond
paula
Commandant Grayza
Scott Taylor
Mediocre Marvel
Orpheus Descending
rachel
FrauFickenDammt
not so funny bunny
Michelle Angus
Minty Wafflefarmer
Maria Carreon
Vandal
alex carbajal
Not Silvestri
Mandy Moe
Suggestible Dave
Just Call Me Frank™©
Hushpuppy 5¢
Theodora Chester
LoveScopes
Dolores
ClumzyVixen
Miz Jules
SpaceSquirrel
truly
Shireen Soussen ♔
妹妹
Pam Nabea
Darrin
Scarlett Fever
Sarah Elizabeth
Mytwoscentz
Dusty Hume
Nickels
✟¥◣∈『.✙▲▼◥▆◤
R_N
Jabberwocky
Lilly
Rotusbrossum
Justin Walker™
From the desk of ...
Lilith
Tortured_soul
Blowjob Fairy
WhatserName
Beth
Cass is...
Mr. Vinay Patil
@Nimrod_Nation
Tanya Johnston
HASDays
Evil Schwartzie
dont follow me
NoLuckWanted
nerdamage
indie claws
ez
Traylor Parker
Don Pearyawn
100 Pound Salmon
Dally Doll
gordon
Boiled Wieners
Indian Bread Maker
blunder rated
The Dork
GuyInOrangeShades™®
Jenny
Blakey Pants
H∅TMessBarbie™®
Rampant Amok Brain
Manic Monkey
PrincessCandyEmpire
VirgoSherry
Bitch
Brian Matthews
Dakota
Nerf Mallet
Omar
System Failure
Klaustrophobic
elaine ford
Andrew Brown
Sly
ree-ree
GullyCreeper
alan heath
Just Julz
markka nowhere
Labels: #ftwot, #gaf, #gsoav, #jsntf, #tbot, tweets, twitter
posted by Taranonymous Reads Not the Book of Tweet @ 8:28 PM
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